Reflections on Adolescence: What the show got right – and what it missed
As a parenting charity dedicated to strengthening families, we’ve followed the conversation around the recent Netflix mini-series Adolescence with interest – both for the themes it explores and the public’s reaction to them. The show undeniably highlights several very real challenges facing children and young people today, including peer pressure, the influence of the internet and social media, as well as struggles with identity and the deep sense of disconnection that adolescents may feel. While Adolescence captures the intensity and complexity of teenage life, we believe it missed a vital opportunity to examine the deeper roots of these issues – particularly the early relational foundations that shape a child’s emotional world.
In the series, 13-year-old Jamie Miller stabs and kills a female classmate after she dismisses him and accuses him online of being an incel. The show draws a connection between extreme violence and the dangers of online radicalisation – in this case, the so-called “manosphere”, which promotes misogyny, rigid masculinity and anti-feminist ideologies. For many parents raising children in a society where knife crime is on the rise and the internet poses a constant threat to young people’s wellbeing, Adolescence has clearly struck a nerve – sparking conversations not only in mainstream media but also in everyday coffee chats and conversations on the street.
Whilst it is important that these topics are brought to light – both in terms of raising general awareness and shaping policy (such as when and how children should access social media) – it’s also important to remember that Adolescence is not a documentary. There has been some pushback to elements of the series, and one particular point raised by psychologists and professionals working with youth or in crime prevention is this: children who commit serious acts of violence do not typically come from ordinary, loving and supportive homes like Jamie’s appears to be in the series.
By portraying Jamie’s family as relatable and intact, Adolescence appears to suggest that such radicalisation and violence could happen in any family – that no one is immune. But is that really the case? In our view, no. Strong familial relationships – particularly between a parent or caregiver and their child – remain a key protective factor against peer pressure, radicalisation and the dangers of the online world.
Children learn from what they see
Social learning theory tells us something powerful: children learn not only from what we say but from what we model. A child who regularly witnesses their parents resolving conflict with care, showing affection towards one another, and responding to their emotional needs with consistency and warmth will internalise those behaviours. When this modelling is absent, children will likely look elsewhere – to peers, online influencers or cultural figures – for cues on how to relate to others, often opening the door to harmful influences.
And yet, the show does not clearly suggest that Jamie lacks this emotional grounding. His parents are portrayed as present, affectionate and supportive – they are married, physically by his side when he is arrested and visibly concerned. So what are we to assume? That all is not as it seems behind closed doors? Or that a child raised in a secure, loving environment can still carry out such a violent act without deeper cause?
The show fails to ask the more searching and necessary questions: What did love actually look like in Jamie’s home? Was it modelled in daily interactions? Did Jamie feel seen, heard and emotionally safe? And what did he learn about himself and others during his formative years?
Children need a secure base
Every child needs a secure base – a reliable, emotionally attuned adult who offers time, attention and a sense of safety. This is not an added bonus to parenting; it is the foundation of healthy child development. Without this base, children may struggle to regulate their emotions, interpret relationships or process shame. They are left vulnerable to the very external influences Adolescence sets out to expose – toxic online personalities, harmful ideologies and a desire to belong, no matter the cost.
The series powerfully highlights the dangers of toxic influence but stops short of examining the emotional void or unresolved trauma that so often precedes a young person’s openness to such influence. Typically, children with the capacity to take a life have faced serious challenges – what researchers term Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) – including parental conflict, poverty, substance misuse or mental health struggles at home. These factors are strongly associated with negative outcomes. This, we believe, is what feels absent in Adolescence – not just in Jamie’s life, but in the narrative itself.
Jamie is portrayed as both rooted in a loving home and dangerously untethered – a contradiction the show never fully resolves.
The importance of the early years
Childhood doesn’t begin at adolescence – it begins at birth, and in many ways, even earlier. Decades of research, as well as our own experience at Kids Matter, confirm that the earliest years of life are foundational. A secure attachment to at least one consistent, loving caregiver is essential to a child’s emotional and psychological wellbeing. It provides a base from which to explore the world and a refuge to return to when that world feels unsafe.
In Adolescence, we see a boy adrift – struggling with his identity, relationships and sense of self. But we see little exploration of what might have helped him build resilience. There is little recognition that emotional security is forged in the earliest years, and that without it, children are more susceptible to becoming ungrounded in adolescence.
An ultimate lack of clarity
In the end, Adolescence feels emotionally inconsistent. It gestures towards a psychological unravelling without clearly addressing its origins. If Jamie truly came from a stable, loving environment, what then drove him to such a desperate act? If there were deeper issues – emotional neglect, trauma or dysfunction – why does the show gloss over them?
Understanding children in crisis means going deeper. It’s not enough to show the consequences of pain and confusion – we must be willing to ask where it began.
At Kids Matter, we believe that raising awareness of teenage struggles is essential but it must be accompanied by a focus on prevention. That means looking upstream: to the early years, the home environment and the role of parents and caregivers. Children don’t exist in a vacuum and neither do the challenges they face.
If we want to reduce the number of young people drawn into harmful ideologies or destructive behaviours, we need to start by supporting families – especially those facing complex challenges – from the very beginning. That means providing access to community-based, relational support. It means acknowledging the vital role early relationships play in shaping a child’s emotional world. And it means recognising that even in adolescence, it’s not too late to rebuild connection, trust and a sense of belonging.
The presence of even one stable, loving adult can provide the buffer a child needs to navigate adversity.