Fatma’s Story

When I joined the Kids Matter course, I wanted to understand my children’s behaviour. I don’t know how to parent. I wanted to listen other parents, and learn. I was full of questions: Am I parenting correctly? Is this just my household? This course was an opportunity for me.

Parenting can be isolating. Nobody comes and knocks on your door and asks how you are. It’s just you, your partner and your children, unlike how I grew up. I felt limited in how to help my children. Kids Matter opened my eyes to the available help – schools, GPs, dentists, neighbours and friends. But if you just stay by yourself nobody can help.

Through the course, I heard many examples from other parents. Respect became a big topic for me. I forgot how to teach my children to respect because so much is going on in parenting. Kids Matter taught me there’s a ladder to raising a child. By following this ladder, hopefully your child will become a very good citizen and somebody who works hard and then lives a happy life.

We started with a child’s basic needs: food and shelter. I learned about the importance of proper nutrition and feeding them well. Once these needs are met, the next step is to show love. I thought love just came automatically, but no; it’s something you work hard at. It’s something you have to learn how to verbalise. I learned to praise my children when they did something well, encouraging them to continue.

Playing with children was another key point. I used to think playing was a waste of time and doing the dishes (and other chores) was more important, but the course showed me it’s essential for bonding. Ignoring chores to play makes children feel valued.

Next, we discussed family rules, rewards and punishments. For me, understanding why children misbehave was the most important thing compared to anything that I’ve learned. Now, instead of reacting angrily, I try to understand their needs and calm myself, focusing on their perspective.

I know now that boundaries and discipline won’t work if you haven’t started from the beginning of the ladder; it’s hard for children to understand why they should listen if we didn’t have that humbleness and kindness in our relationship, and conversation. The course has helped me see my children’s actions in a new light, like my daughter’s dirty uniform as a sign of her hard work, not a mess. And maybe my children are throwing things on the floor because they are tired.

As parents, we sometimes do wrong because we don’t have the knowledge and we don’t take advice from people who have experienced it. In the group, there were more women older than me who have more children. And when I hear their stories, I find them valuable and I learn, and then go home and correct myself.

This course saves people from losing their track in their parenting. Understanding my child better means that I feel more like a human. Like I’m not just an empty body living in the house, but there’s a soul in the house… like you thrive. In my home, we just lived. We were just surviving. We were just eating, sleeping, going to school. Now I feel there’s a purpose to life now.