Why parental mental health matters for children’s wellbeing
“If I’m not OK, they’re not OK.”
This heartfelt statement from a recent report by Barnardo’s is echoed by many parents and professionals, and captures a fundamental truth: the mental health of a parent is inextricably linked to the wellbeing of their child.
Research in Barnardo’s Parental Mental Health and the Impact on Children report makes it clear that there is no part of a child’s development that remains untouched when a parent is struggling with their mental health. Whether through direct experiences or subtle emotional cues, children are deeply affected by what’s happening in their family environment.
Emotional and behavioural challenges
Children living with a parent facing mental health issues are more likely to experience emotional distress, anxiety and low self-esteem. In many cases, children become either withdrawn or act out with disruptive behaviour. They may struggle to self-regulate, miss school more often, or find it harder to build friendships and engage in social or educational activities.
Anxiety and toxic stress
A particularly concerning finding is how anxiety can be passed on from parent to child. Children sense when their parent is struggling, even when adults try to hide it. As one parent shared, “They know when I’m not 100%. They pick up on my vibes.” This ongoing exposure to stress can create a state of “toxic stress,” which research shows can have long-term impacts on a child’s physical and mental health – increasing their risk of developing mental illness later in life.
Disrupted routines and environments
Many parents shared how fatigue, lack of motivation or emotional distress led to inconsistent routines, from irregular sleep and unhealthy meals to reduced quality time and increased screen use. These disruptions can leave children feeling unsettled, affecting their mood, concentration and behaviour.
Emotional development and coping skills
Crucially, when parents feel emotionally overwhelmed, it’s harder to model healthy coping strategies. Children may then grow up without the emotional tools to manage their own sadness, anger or anxiety. Some try to handle their problems alone, believing their parents are too burdened to help – a dynamic that fosters further emotional isolation.
Safety and Security
For children to thrive, they need to feel safe and loved. But when mental health struggles lead to unpredictable moods or strained family relationships, children can feel like they’re walking on eggshells. As one Barnardo’s project worker described, these children are often “living with confusion, guilt and anger,” unsure how to interpret their parent’s behaviour or emotional availability.
A hopeful solution: Confidence, Competence and Community
The link between poverty and poor mental health is well established – financial hardship, social isolation and chronic stress can significantly erode a parent’s emotional resilience. For many families facing disadvantages, the daily strain of making ends meet can compound feelings of anxiety and depression, resulting in hopelessness. And when parents are struggling, their ability to meet their children’s emotional needs may be compromised.
Yet even in the face of these challenges, there is hope – and a practical, compassionate response. Kids Matter’s parenting programmes offer a transformative space where parents are empowered with the tools to build a strong, healthy relationships with their children. Our programmes brings parents together in small, welcoming groups where they can reflect on their experiences, grow in confidence, develop competence in parenting skills and feel the strength of a community that understands.
Through facilitated sessions, parents are equipped to:
- Reflect on how their past and present shape their parenting
- Build consistent routines and set healthy boundaries
- Learn emotional regulation and respond to their children with empathy
- Strengthen resilience and practical coping strategies
- Foster secure, trusting relationships with their children
Confidence and connection are powerful antidotes to the isolation and low self-worth that poverty can produce. As parents grow in self-belief and feel supported by others, their mental wellbeing improves and with it, their ability to parent with greater intention and patience.
The impact is profound. Parents who complete the Kids Matter programme often report not just feeling better equipped but more hopeful about their future. Their children, in turn, begin to flourish in a home that feels more stable and filled with possibility.
“This course saves people from losing their track in their parenting. Understanding my child better means that I feel more like a human. Like I’m not just an empty body living in the house, but there’s a soul in the house… like you thrive. In my home, we just lived. We were just surviving. We were just eating, sleeping, going to school. Now I feel there’s a purpose to life now.“
– Fatma, mum
Supporting parents isn’t just about helping adults, it’s an investment in the mental health of the next generation. When parents are given the support they need to be well, their children are more likely to thrive emotionally, socially and developmentally.
Read Parental Mental Health and the Impact on Children and click here to find out more about Kids Matter’s parenting programmes.