Ben Shanmugam is a Clinical Psychologist and works with Kids Matter to ensure all our programme material is evidence-informed. More recently Ben has worked alongside volunteers and team members to run parenting workshops in prison. We asked him a couple of questions about his experience:
What inspired you to become involved with Kids Matter’s prison programme?
It was the vision of seeing ‘every child raised in a strong family’ that originally drew me to Kids Matter, and it is that same vision that very much got me excited about the prison programme. Having worked with children and families across various mental health services, and being really interested in what helps children to develop in to healthy and thriving adults, I totally understand how important it is to support parents well. Children need their parents; good parenting really does make such a difference. The dads in prison still have the opportunity to make that difference in their children’s lives, and it is a real privilege to help them think about how to best do that.
What is it like working in a prison context?
I do remember walking through the prison the first couple of times and it feeling quite surreal. Especially on the wings where the dads are spending all of their time. It is also interesting to think about how quickly you begin to get used to it, and to imagine how that environment shapes and affects the people there day-in-day-out. As facilitators of a Kids Matter programme, we get that honour of meeting with the men and being able to draw out their identity as dads, not as prisoners or anything else they might identify as. Whilst sitting around a table with some biscuits scattered amongst some materials, designed to get us thinking and chatting about being a parent, it is easy to forget about all the security locks and restrictions outside of the room. The reality is that these dads demonstrate such an openness and willingness to be the best dad they can. When you are in prison, it can be self-protective to not think too much about your kids but the way the dads are able to do that so thoughtfully and honestly is incredibly inspiring.
What is something you have learned from running programmes in prison?
I have learnt so much! It might expose some of my ignorance, but I’ve learnt that the dads in prison are not intimidating or disinterested in chatting and learning about parenting. By hearing examples shared over the different sessions, I’ve learnt that just one small insight or practical step that a dad in prison makes can have such a positive impact to their child and family. I’ve learnt that the role of a Kids Matter facilitator in prison is to connect with the dads and help them to bring their own wisdom and experiences into the room, as well as to guide them through some of the material. I’ve also learnt about how strained and stretched the whole prison sector is, and how that can make the experience even tougher for many of the guys in there. All these learnings inspire passion for me to see more Kids Matter programmes running in prison.
What positive transformations have you witnessed as you’ve run Kids Matter workshops in prison?
In every session I’ve been a part of, I have been genuinely moved hearing the often simple but profound comments or reflections from the dads. Those sorts of comments that are unmistakably authentic and that point to, for example, new ways of connecting with and being present with their children. One great example was when a dad, following a session thinking about communication and Love Languages, reported back that they had thought about the impact of ‘words of affirmation’ and one-to-one time for his children and so had written and sent individual letters to each of his children. I remember just not expecting to hear that when asking if they had managed to do anything differently following the last session.
The other positive transformation I often feel so moved by, is the way that the whole group develops such solidarity and support for one another. Giving out certificates and individually celebrating each dad’s progress at the end of the programme gives another opportunity for the dads to really demonstrate this; it is so special to witness their genuine care and celebration through the wonderful smiles and applause for each other.